


accidental crashing (and crushing)

by wvlfqveen



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-09
Updated: 2015-09-09
Packaged: 2018-04-19 20:44:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4760435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wvlfqveen/pseuds/wvlfqveen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Theon's head is pounding and his chest feels extremely heavy.</p><p>Well. That might have something to do with this goddamn wolf sitting on it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	accidental crashing (and crushing)

**Author's Note:**

> i usually write teen wolf aus but well. i saw "accidentally broke into your apartment because i was drunk AU" on a list on tumblr and just immediately thought "theon and robb". Enjoy

Theon became aware of his surroundings very slowly.

First, he became extremely aware of his pounding head. He probably shouldn't have drunk that much last night but, well, could anyone blame him? He'd just gotten a promotion at Stark Industries, the leading company in the import and export of weirwood in Westeros. He was now the Executive Assistant of Robb Stark (who he had never met but who gave a fuck) , the CEO of the company; he deserved a drink or two.

Or three.

Or a hundred.

After that, he became aware of a hot, heavy weight on his chest. That was new. What the fuck had he drunk last night?

And then, the slobber on his face.

Wait, he thought. Slobber?

He opened his eyes very, very slowly, trying to hold back a wince at the bright light of the day, and found himself looking at a fucking wolf.

Okay it was a dog, obviously, but the fucking beast could easily pass as a wolf in the wilderness. First off, it was fucking huge, a grey massive thing, much larger than a normal dog, and then it had those eyes; cold golden eyes, that looked way too smart for Theon's liking.

And it had slobbered on him.

When the fuck had Asha gotten a dog and why hadn't she warned him?

"Grey Wind stop slobbering on our guest. Come here", said a person on his left, that definitely did not sound Asha.

He turned his head slowly, hyper aware of the state he was in and his pounding headache. The beast climbed off him (he winced) and padded away to...

His throat went dry. That was definitely not Asha.

The person (definitely not Asha oh my god what the fuck) who'd spoken was leaning against the far wall (Theon barely noticed the living room but he could tell it ! was! not! Asha's !) and petting their dog, which reached up to below their hips. They had bright red, curly hair, a beard that under different circumstances Theon might have been jealous of (he could never grow a beard) and bright blue eyes that looked extremely amused. They were still wearing (blue) pajama bottoms and a (black) t-shirt so Theon assumed they had just woken up, too. 

Theon hadn't just crashed someone's apartment.

He had crashed a  _hot_ person's apartment.

He sat up slowly, holding back another wince at the change of positions and rubbing his face. "You're not...Asha."

Their lips twitched at the corners. "Just how drunk are you?"

He groaned, shutting his eyes tightly. "How have I not been arrested yet?"

"I haven't called the cops."

Theon's eyes snapped open to meet theirs. They looked like they were telling the truth but...

"A stranger crashes your apartment by", he turned around to make sure and yup; the window was wide open "climbing up your fire escape and in through your window and you don't call the cops?"

They shrugged which only served to bring Theon's attention to their shoulders. 

He was ready to be swallowed up by the Earth itself.

"I trust you", they said "because Grey Wind trusts you."

He looked at the dog, Grey Wind, who was sitting at its master's side calmly. "He would have ripped my throat out if he didn't trust me or something?", he half-joked.

They didn't even blink. "Probably."

Theon stared at them for a moment. Ignoring his sudden Grey Wind-induced fear he stood up just as slowly as he had sat up. "I, uh, I'm Theon. By the way. Sorry for breaking into your apartment and everything."

They tilted their head, considering. "Theon. As in Theon Greyjoy? Asha's brother?"

"You know Asha?" He was going to kill her.

They smirked. Theon firmly resisted the urge to groan. "She lives in the apartment next to mine."

"Fuck", he swore. 

They laughed. "It's okay, man. You were drunk, no big deal. Would you like some coffee?"

Theon's day was just getting weirder and weirder. "Sure, why not?"

They walked to the small kitchen. Theon sat down heavily on one of the kitchen table chairs and allowed Grey Wind to sit by his legs. He petted him hesitantly. His fur was very soft. 

"So", they started "big occasion?"

"Yeah, I got promoted", he said, unable to hold back the satisfaction colouring his voice. 

They threw a smile over their shoulder as they made Theon's coffee. "Congratulations. Good position, I'm guessing?"

He felt his chest puffing out a bit. "Executive Assistant to the CEO of Stark Industries."

They paused what they were doing and looked back at him with an indecipherable expression. "That's great", they said, turning back just fast enough for Theon to dismiss the expression; he probably imagined it "I'd say that deserves getting plastered."

He snorted. "Yeah well, look where it got me."

Coffee now ready, they slid it towards him and sat down. Theon sniffed his cup appreciatively. 

"Is it so bad here?", they teased, causing Theon to look up so fast, he was afraid he'd snap his neck. 

Were they  _flirting_ with him?

 _Flirt back you fucking idiot,_ his smarter subconscious urged.

What came out of his mouth instead was " I, uh, no, no, I didn't" _  
_

They laughed, the corners around their eyes crinkling. Theon was never drinking again. "Relax, I'm kidding. I know what you meant."

A sudden buzzing on his leg made him jump, dislodging Grey Wind's head from its perch on his knee. "Sorry, dude", he told him, looking at his phone screen. He had a new message from Asha.

_Where the fuck are you_

He snorted, not daring to look up at the other person.

_Knock next door you fucking hag_

He slipped his phone back in his pocket as someone knocked on the door firmly. Grey Wind started barking, practically flying to it.

"Down, boy", his master said and opened the door. His sister, looking like her usual sulky self, was standing on the other side. Grey Wind greeted her by standing up on his back legs (Sweet Jesus that was a fucking sight) and licking her from her chin and up. 

"Hi to you, too, asshole", she told the dog, scratching behind his ears. He stood back down and trotted over to Theon. Asha's eyes followed the dog and came to rest on her brother.

"So", she said, turning back to the other person still standing by the door. "You were the one that kidnapped my brother."

They just raised their eyebrows, obviously familiar with Asha's shining personality. "I hardly kidnapped him; he came through the window willingly."

She snorted, leaning against the door frame. "Of course he did. You're just his type."

"Asha!", he chided, an embarrassing squawk ripping from his throat. She just smirked at him, gesturing towards her apartment. 

"Well come on then, let's get you cleaned up before Dad gets here and rips you a new one."

He groaned, setting his cup down and standing up. "Don't remind me." He scratched behind Grey Wind's ears and walked to the door. "Uh, thanks. For everything", he said, barely making eye contact with the redhead. 

They smiled, clearly amused. "No problem."

Theon followed Asha to her door but caught them before they closed the door. "Wait, I never got your name."

Their smile widened. "I'm Robb. Robb Stark", they said, and shut the door firmly.

No.

No.

No.

No.

_No._

"Shut the fuck up", he told Asha as she cackled at his facial expression, practically running in her apartment. 

He was so  _fucked._

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos/comments welcome!


End file.
